A Hearts Personal Wrecking Ball
by classactress
Summary: That night, talking to Jace, at the Penhallows house in Alicante, when Jace says what he says to Clary. What if Jace ends up regretting everything he said to her for the rest of his life? What if Clary didn’t come home that night? Is Valentine involved?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **A Hearts Personal Wrecking Ball

**Author:** ClarissaMorgenstern

**Summary:** **CoG SPOILERS** J/C. That night, talking to Jace, at the Penhallows house in Alicante, when Jace says what he says to Clary. What if Jace ends up regretting everything he said to her for the rest of his life? What if Clary didn't come home that night? Does Sebastian have anything to do with this?

**Category: **The Mortal Instruments

**FF Category Author: **Cassandra Clare

**Chapter:** One

**Author's Note: **_Mmm, 2:09AM in the morning. I'm actually not that tired because I am happy that I finally finished "Whisky, Wayland and Other Things Starting With 'W'" and posted it like last night! I am pretty proud of it…I suppose. Umm, I actually did rewrite the whole scene in Jace's bedroom straight from the book. If you have read City of Glass then you will know where it stops. :D_

_So anyway, this Fan-Fic is set in CoG. After Jace talks to Clary when he finds out about her being in Idris. Being the bastard that he sometimes is…he pretty much destroys Clary and she runs back to Amatis's. (remember; I did say SOMETIMES!) This came to me in a dream of mine – and I have to say, my dreams are the weirdest things known to human-kind but I woke up crying after this one._

_**A Hearts Personal Wrecking Ball**_

_Chapter One_

**CPOV**

"Jace," she said, and took a step toward him.

He backed away from her as if she were coated in something poisonous. "What," he said, "in the name of the Angel, Clary, are you doing here?"

Despite everything, the harshness of his tone hurt. "You could at least pretend you were glad to see me. Even a little bit."

"I'm not glad to see you," he said. Some of his color had come back, but the shadows under his eyes were still gray smudges against his skin. Clary waited for him to say something else, but he seemed content just to stare at her in undisguised horror. She noticed with a distracted clarity that he was wearing a black sweater that hung off this wrists as if he'd lost weight, and that the nails on his hands were bitten down to the quick. "Not even a little bit."

"This isn't you," she said. "I hate it when you act like this—"

"Oh, you hate it, do you? Well, I'd better stop doing it, then, hadn't I? I mean, you do everything _I_ ask you to do."

"You had no right to do what you did!" She snapped at him, suddenly furious. "Lying to me like that. You had no right—"

"I had _every right_!" He shouted. She didn't think he'd ever shouted at her before. "I had every right, you stupid, stupid girl. I'm your brother and I—"

"And you what? You own me? You don't own me, whether you're my brother or not!"

The door behind Clary flew open. It was Alec, soberly dressed in a long, dark blue jacket, his black hair in disarray. He wore muddy boots and an incredulous expression on his usually calm face. "What in all possible dimensions is going on here?" he said, looking from Jace to Clary with amazement. "Are you two trying to kill each other?"

"Not at all," said Jace. As if by magic, Clary saw, it had all been wiped away: his rage and his panic, and he was icy calm again. "Clary was just leaving."

"Good," Alec said, "because I need to talk to you, Jace."

"Doesn't anyone in this house ever say, 'Hi, nice to see you' anymore?" Clary demanded of no one in particular.

It was much easier to guilt Alec than Isabelle. "It _is_ good to see you, Clary," he said, "except of course for the fact that you're really not supposed to be here. Isabelle told me you got here on your own somehow and I'm impressed—"

"Could you _not_ encourage her?" Jace inquired.

"But I really, really need to talk to Jace about something. Can you give us a few minutes?"

"I need to talk to him too," she said "About our mother—"

"I don't feel like talking," said Jace, "to either of you, as a matter of fact."

"Yes, you do," Alec said. "You really want to talk to me about this."

"I doubt that," Jace said. He had turned his gaze back to Clary. "You didn't come here alone, did you?" he said slowly, as if realizing that the situation was even worse that he'd thought. "Who came with you?"

There seemed to be no point in lying about it. "Luke," said Clary. "Luke came with me."

Jace blanched. "But Luke is a Downworlder. Do you know what the Clave does to unregistered Downworlders who come into the Glass City—who crosses the wards without permission? Coming to Idris is one thing, but entering Alicante? Without telling anyone?"

"No," Clary said, in a half whisper, "but I know what you're going to say—"

"That is you and Luke don't go back to New York immediately, you'll find out?"

For a moment Jace was silent, meeting her gaze with his own. The desperation in his expression shocked her. He was the one threatening her, after all, not the other way around.

"Jace," Alec said into te silence, a tinge of panic into his voice. "Haven't you wondered where I've been all day?"

"That's a new coat you're wearing," Jace said, without looking at his friend. "I figure you went shopping. Though why you're so eager to bother me about it, I have no idea."

"I didn't go shopping," Alec said furiously. "I went—"

The door opened again. In a flutter of white dress, Isabelle darted in, shutting the door behind her. She looked at Clary and shook her head. "I told you he'd freak out," she said. "Didn't I?"

"Ah, the 'I told you so,'" Jace said. "Always a classy move."

Clary looked at him with horror. "How can you _joke_?" she whispered. "You just threatened Luke. Luke, who likes you and trusts you. Because he's a _Downworlder_. What's wrong with you?"

Isabelle looked horrified. "Luke's here? Oh Clary—"

"He's _not _here," Clary said. "He left—this morning—and I don't know where he went. But I can certainly see now why he had to go." She could hardly bear to look at Jace. "Fine. You win. We should never have come. I should never have made that Portal—"

"_Made_ a Portal?" Isabelle looked bewildered. "Clary, only warlocks can make a Portal. And there aren't very many of them. The only Portal here in Idris is in the Gard."

"Which is what I had to talk to you about," Alec hissed at Jace—who looked, Clary saw with surprise, even worse than he had before; he looked as if he were about to pass out. "About the errand I went on last night—the thing I had to deliver to the Gard—"

"Alec, stop. _Stop_," Jace said, and the harsh desperation in his voice cut the other boy off; Alec shut his mouth and stood staring at Jace, his lip caught between his teeth. But Jace didn't seem to see him; he was looking at Clary, and his eyes were hard as glass. Finally he spoke. "You're right," he said in a choked voice, as if he had to force out the words. "You should never have come. I know I told you it's because it isn't safe you here, but that wasn't true. The truth is that I don't want you here because you rash and thoughtless and you'll mess everything up. It's just how you are. You're not careful, Clary."

"Mess…everything…up?" Clary couldn't get enough air into her lungs for anything but a whisper.

"Oh, _Jace_," Isabelle said sadly, as if _he_ were the one who was hurt. He didn't look at her. His gaze was fixed on Clary.

"You always just race ahead without thinking," he said. "You know that, Clary. We'd never have ended up in the Dumort if it wasn't for you."

"And Simon would be _dead_! Doesn't that count for anything? Maybe it was rash but—"

His voice rose. "_Maybe?"_

"But it's not like every decision I've made was a bad one! You said, after what I did on the boat, you _said_ I'd saved everyone's life—"

All the remaining color in Jace's face went. He said, with sudden and astounding viciousness, "Shut up, Clary, SHUT UP—"

"On the boat?" Alec's gaze danced between them, bewildered. "What about what happened on the boat? Jace—"

"I just told you that to keep you from whining!" Jace shouted, ignoring Alec, ignoring everything but Clary. She could feel the force of his sudden anger like a wave threatening to knock her off her feet. "You're a disaster for us, Clary! You're a mundane, you'll always be one, you'll never be a Shadow-hunter. You don't know how to think like we do, think about what's best for everyone—all you ever think about is yourself! But there's a war on now, or there will be, and I don't have the time or the inclination to follow around after you, trying to make sure you don't get one of us killed!"

She just stared at him. She couldn't think of a thing to say; he'd never spoken to her like this. She's never even imagined him speaking to her like this. However angry she'd managed to make him in the past, he'd never spoken to her as if he hated her before.

"Go home, Clary," he said. He sounded very tired, as if the effort of telling her how he really felt had drained him. "Go home."

All her plans evaporated—her half-formed hopes of rushing after Fell, saving her mother, even finding Luke—nothing mattered, no words came. She crossed to the door. Alec and Isabelle moved to let her pass. Neither of them would look at her; they looked away instead, their expressions shocked and embarrassed. Clary knew she probably ought to feel humiliated as well as angry, but she didn't. She just felt dead.

She turned at the door and looked back. Jace was staring after her. The light that streamed through the window behind him left his face in shadow; all she could see was the bright bits of sunshine that dusted his fair hair, like shards of broken glass.

"When you told me the first time that Valentine was your father, I didn't believe it," she said, "Not just because I didn't want it to be true, but because you weren't anything like him. I've never thought you were anything like him. But you are. You _are_."

She turned and closed the door behind her.

She decided, for once, that she would follow Jace's instructions. She would go back to New York. She would not return. Not for him; not for her mother; not for Isabelle, Alec, Luke, Max …anyone. Usually she would be disobedient to Jace and not do what he told her to—like staying in New York for one—but this time, she thought, he looked angry at her enough that she should just do what he wanted; no matter how much it hurt.

She ran down the large and exceedingly decorated hallways, skittered her way down the stairs—always watching her feet—and looked up only to quickly fiddle with the front door knob and fling the board of wood aside to flee from the Penhallows home. From Alicante; from Idris… from Jace.

"Clary? Clary! Wait, Clary, what's wrong? Where are you going?" She heard someone familiar call from behind her.

_Sebastian._ She recalled. Sebastian's question of "Clary, what's wrong?" seemed to burn right through her. It hurt her but, "Where are you going?" was a significantly different question to her—like complete opposites—because they both had a completely different answer. To any stander-by to the scene—if you asked them—would have thought that they meant pretty much the same thing. But to Clary and anyone who knew the truth, they were not even close to much the same thing.

**Authors End Note: **_Hey! I hope that was alright. It took me 2 nights to write up that whole scene from CoG. Gah, but it was fun, I kind of taught myself some English and Grammar lessons in the midst as well! Review?_

_**xoxo Claryy**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: **Hey! I AM SO SO SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN AGES!!!!! It is stressful second term in yr 7 and I am writing this the night before NAPLAN tests go on air for my school. They go for 3 days! And I'm going to fail miserably…

So, when I posted the first chapter—pretty much 15 minutes later I got a review! Which is totally awesome and I have no objections whatsoever! Now this chapter will be in Jace's POV and it's just after he finishes his little *cough* loooong *cough* "speech" and she turns to the door. It picks up to his thoughts .

On with this beloved story of mine....:::…:::…:::…:::…::: (whoa! It looks like a video game! Simon!) …:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::…:::...:::……POW!

(man, I'm soo weird!)

_**A Hearts Personal Wrecking Ball**_

_Chapter Two_

**JPOV**

"You're a disaster for us, Clary! You're a mundane, you'll always be one, you'll never be a Shadow-hunter. You don't know how to think like we do, think about what's best for everyone—all you ever think about is yourself! But there's a war on now, or there will be, and I don't have the time or the inclination to follow around after you, trying to make sure you don't get one of us killed!"

_Oh no,_ he thought, _I did _not_ just say that, did I?_

She was staring at him in a way that would have burnt a literal hole through someone. But to Jace it meant a lot more than burning holes. She looked a mixture of feelings: tired, sad, comprehending, understanding…but there was the one look that overruled all others. She looked destroyed. And that hurt killed him inside. Ever since he met her he had promised himself he would never hurt her, let anyone else hurt her, or let a face that destroyed freely dance its way onto her perfect features. It was breaking the already broken shards of heart he had let in half and in half again. In shorter words, if she looked and felt destroyed—then there's no doubt that Jace felt twice as much.

"Go home, Clary," he said. He sounded very tired, as if the effort of telling her how he really felt had drained him. "Go home."

He knew what he was saying was killing both Clary and he but he had to do it. Well, he actually didn't have to do that, he just did because he was horrible and had spent his life not thinking before what he did. Which, he remembered with clarity, he had just said to Clary. He had said that she had always put herself first but that was completely and utterly untrue. Ever since they had met her, to Clary, it was all about putting everybody except herself far before her life. But if she was hurt or possible killed, Jace didn't know what he would do. Living would be the hardest activity he would have to endure and what about everyone else who loved her; Simon, her mother, Luke…himself. And probably some other people that he didn't know about would have missed her immensely. The only thing she has done for herself in the last month, before her life was flipped and twisted in a couple of days, would have been making herself a cup of coffee at night. In fact he wasn't sure she had done that recently either.

She lidded her eyes and bent her head, framing her heart-shaped face with a cascade of soft but fiery red tendrils of hair. She tore her heartbreaking expression from the carpet and raised her head back up proudly. She still wouldn't look at him, but instead averted her eyes to the side of the room. He couldn't help thinking that he had caused this affliction on her. He remembered when he saw her first and he had wanted so badly to take her to Idris and show her everything.

Show her the Glass City and the forest and Lake Lyn and the Wayland Manor. He hills that were as green as neon lights when the sun smiled upon them. But he wanted to be the one who showed her that and the one who made her smile and gasp in surprise. Instead, he had the opposite reaction. Except, if he had ever thought it would turn out like this, Clary would be the one who was being stubborn and callous. But he was incorrect as this time Clary was the one who looked completely destroyed and not welcome at all. He hadn't wanted that. Not at all, not ever, he didn't even want to _imagine_ the scene playing before him. She, at least, showed emotion, whereas he was cold and statue-like. He could imagine how he looked to her. Coldhearted, uncaring, cruel, pitiless, unforgiving and hard. They were probably the emotions playing outside but on the inside he was dying with self-hatred and how-could-I-be-so-stupid stupidity.

Her eyes suddenly locked with his—he could see her eyes had teared up and big fat drops of moisture were threatening to spill over any second. He watched with a pain in his chest as one spilled over and rolled down her cheek; leaving an evident wet trail down her perfect skin.

Jace didn't think that she knew she was crying but he decided against telling her because it would only make things worse. She took a deep and shallow breath. It looked like it took a lot of effot to take that mouthful of air—like breathing around a hole in your throat.

"When you told me the first time that Valentine was your father, I didn't believe it," she said, "Not just because I didn't want it to be true, but because you weren't anything like him. I've never thought you were anything like him. But you are. You _are_."

_Ouch…_Jace felt like running over to her and cradling her in his arms—kissing away her tears. But, of course, since she just had to mention the 'Valentine is your father' technique, it would be clear to Isabelle and Alec about incest.

He watched in slow motion as Clary turned and shut the door behind her. As soon as he heard the door slam shut he buried his face in his hands and sank down the wall; succumbing to his misery and wailing silently over what he had just done.

He could faintly hear Sebastian's voice floating up the stairs…

"Clary? Clary! Wait, Clary, what's wrong? Where are you going?"

Jace knew. Alec knew. Isabelle knew. Clary knew…

We all knew the answers to both questions. But each hurt just as much as the other…

**End Authors Note: **Okay so I hope you liked the second chapter. Of course it was shorter because the first chapter was pretty much copied from CoG! So, yeah, it's obviously going to be shorter! But it's shorter than my other stories and I haven't updated in AGES and I'm so so so so sorry that I cannot even explain.

Review??

xoxo Clary


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: ** Hi! Okay, so yesh that last chapter was a bit depressing and morbid, I know. But this one is going to get to the drama! Yay! Kay so, this is on Clary's POV and its set…er…when we last closed off Clary's point of view…I'm pretty sure that was chapter one! So, no need to go back to Chapter One because I'm going to remind you! Okay so, after she leaves Jace in his room (and he breaks down, very emo-ly) and then Sebastian/Jonathan calls after her. In Chapter Two it ends with Sebastian/Jonathan's voice like floating up the stairs. In case you forgot! I am just here to, er, remind you…of things. And bore you to death apparently… So I will stop boring you and you can go and read the third chapter! HAPPY DAYS!

I'm writing up a SICCAR thing now for this story (SICCAR is some random English thingamajig).

_**A Hearts Personal Wrecking Ball**_

_Chapter Three_

**CPOV**

_**Previously:**_

"_Clary? Clary! Wait, Clary, what's wrong? Where are you going?" She heard someone familiar call from behind her._

_Sebastian. She recalled. Sebastian's question of "Clary, what's wrong?" seemed to burn right through her. It hurt her but, "Where are you going?" was a significantly different question to her—like complete opposites—because they both had a completely different answer. To any stander-by to the scene—if you asked them—would have thought that they meant pretty much the same thing. But to Clary and anyone who knew the truth, they were not even close to much the same thing._

Clary slowed down a little then slowly turned around. Sebastian ran up beside her and grabbed her wrist. He was completely fine, but of course, she had seen him stop her in a spilt-second and he wasn't out of breath, so she shouldn't really be surprised.

"Clary? Where are you going?" Sebastian asked again

Clary noticed with clarity that she now couldn't feel her hand; Sebastian was cutting off the blood circulation. But what scared Clary the most was the fact that she didn't mind it, smiled at it actually—in dazed way.

"I—… Home." She said softly

"Um, where's home?" Sebastian asked

_Home is where the heart is…_ somebody in the back of her mind whispered to her.

"What was that?" Sebastian asked.

She hadn't realized she had said it out loud.

"Oh, nothing…don't worry."

"No, I heard you right. But where is your heart then?" Sebastian questioned. He still hadn't noticed his hand gripping her wrist. And he asked a lot of questions, Clary noticed absently.

"…Er, New York?" even Clary's answer confused her. But she knew she couldn't lie.

"No offence, but you can't really lie. So, try telling the truth." Sebastian looked apologetic and hopeful at the same time. How he managed that she couldn't say.

"…None taken. And I know I can't lie," she said smiling without humor, "Jace."

"No, Clary. I'm Sebastian."

"No, I know that. I mean my heart is Jace."

Sebastian looked extremely perplexed. Clary realized what she just said, and to someone she hadn't known for anymore than 20 minutes.

"He's my brother. Am I not allowed to love him?" Clary acted confused

"Er, no, you're allowed. It's just when people say 'home is where the heart is', they usually mean who they love, as in soul mate love…" Sebastian trailed off, shaking his head slightly

"Oh. I didn't know that." She replied lamely, averting her eyes to the ground

Because she _did_ know that. And Sebastian was right; she did love Jace that way. And she loved the feeling of having someone to love. It's just not the way she grew up thinking of how to love.

At that second she became remotely aware of the rest of her arm become numb and becoming light-headed.

"Seb—" She cut off as she felt something touching her ankle.

She looked down just in time to see a black hulking animal perched by her foot, its mouth nearing her ankle. She gasped and then jumped away; failing. She animal—which she had now figured out was a demon—stretched his stubby arms out and clawed her leg and pulled her toward it. Man, that demon was strong for something its size. Her eyes flicked desperately back to Sebastian. He was smiling evilly at her. She frowned and opened her mouth to ask him if he knew what was clinging to her ankle—but the demon was faster. She felt a sharp pain in her lower leg as it sunk its teeth into her skin. She screamed but was cut off quickly.

And then it all went black.

**JPOV**

He heard the click of Isabelle's heels totting toward his position slumped against the wall.

"Jace? Oh, Jace, why did you do that?" Isabelle whispered softly to him

"Jace…do you want me to tell you later?" He heard Alec's voice from the corner of the room.

Jace nodded once then looked up. Isabelle was crouched down the left of him. Alec was looking warily at him from across the room.

"Where did she go?" Jace said, barely a whisper

"Out the door. I think. The look on her face said she was pretty convinced by what you shout—_said_ to her," Isabelle replied cautiously, "I think she's going back to New York."

"Damn. Sometimes I wish she _wouldn't _listen to me. But then there are times when I wish she would."

Isabelle frowned. "If I were her, I think I would have obeyed you. You kind of spoke to her…differently. To me it sounded a bit like you, you know, hated her." Isabelle shrugged, looking down

Jace groaned and looked down. "But I don't. The opposite actually. Because I still love her,"

Jace heard Isabelle's intake of air hitch in her throat for a few seconds.

"I don't think I've ever heard you say that before…" Isabelle mused

"You do?" Alec asked softly from the corner of the room

"Well, there's no point in hiding it. I was doing a terrible job from the start. So, yes, I do still love her."  
"Oh Jace. Then why did you do that?" Isabelle asked softly from beside him

"There was no other way," Jace looked up to Isabelle desperately, "I don't want her found by the Clave. And you know what they'll do to her if they know what she can do."

"Yes. I know what they'll do. But you know how much she wants her mother to wake up. In fact, the only reason she has done everything she has since she met us, was because she needed the cure to wake her mother up. Everything else, like saving Simon from the Dumort and going to the Seelie Court, it was all in the process of finding the cure for her mother. Jace, think back. You should be _thanking _Jocelyn for everything. You wouldn't have found Clary if it wasn't for her speaking to Clary that night. The night when you first met her, she had come from her home with Simon because her mother had annoyed her and she needed to escape. She came to Pandemonium and then she saw us. And then you met her. Then—"

"Okay okay, I know everything after that. It's just; there will be a war because of Valentine having the Mortal Instruments—"

"But which particular red-head was involved in finding the Mortal Cup and the Mortal Sword? Yes, Clary. Clary found the Mortal Cup which _Jocelyn_ hid oh-so well and _Clary_ found it. Clary went into the Silent City to find you—In which you had stupidly got yourself stuck in one of their dark cells—and found the dead Silent Brothers and the Mortal Sword was gone. She knew almost immediately who had taken it. And I just want to say that I had thought that she would leave the Silent City and tell Luke about what she had found out. But no, it was like a crack in the pavement. She figured it out and then kept trying to find you. She did and she got you out. With a rune which she created and none of us knew how she did it. She said it was a simple opening rune. But Alec and I knew that it was much more than that. You remember; it broke open _everything_ in that area. It opened the cells next to you and the one opposite yours _plus_ your manacles. We knew that was not just a _simple_ opening rune. But Jace, she still loves you." Isabelle finished

"But that night, the night she came to talk to me. It was a couple of days after Valentines ship. I was going out to get dinner and I found her on my way out. She had come to find me so she came with me to get dinner. I told her that I was only interested in being her brother. She said that's what she wanted. So I left it alone." Jace said miserably

The other girl sighed. "I know that night because I saw her. I remember it clearly. But did you say that she came to see you? Came to talk to you?"

"Yes. But I assumed that it was that she was only interested in being my sister,"

"Don't assume anything with Clary. You should know that by now. She is unpredictable and you never know what she is thinking. I bet you that she had come to tell you that she loved you. And you know why I think that?" Jace shook his head, "Because I was down at the subway on my way to the Wal-Mart to get some milk and she was on the train. She was devastated. She was coming apart on public transport. She cried so much that the man next to her offered her a tissue. But she turned it down…in a slightly childish manner but I wouldn't blame her for it."

Jace buried his face in his hands. "And you didn't tell me this earlier _why_?"

"Because I didn't know if I should! I mean, like, it's not as if I'm going to—"

The dark-haired girl was cut off by a distressed looking Alec bursting into the room. "Isabelle! Sebastian needs you now. Jace, I don't think you want to know."

"What? Why? What would I possibly not want to know?" Jace asked curiously but yet tired

"Just don't worry. Isabelle we need you—now!" Alec ran out the door and back down the stairs

Jace looked to Isabelle who was staring after her brother in shock. Then she ran out and down the hall.

**IPOV**

Isabelle ran down the stairs as fast as she could. She could tell that it was something important. She figured that from the look on Alec's face.

She reached the bottom of the stairs and turned into the living room which she heard Sebastian and Alec's worried voices come from.

It took her some time to register the scene in front of her; Alec talking to Sebastian and Sebastian leaning over an unconscious delicate girl. The girl who she was talking about a minute ago, the girl who Jace was in love with. _Clary_. Her shining emerald green eyes were shut and she wasn't moving an inch. It was probably just her, but it seemed her usually vibrant flaming hair had lost it flame and was dulling. She now understood why Alec had said that Jace didn't want to know.

She tore her gaze away from the petite red-head and over to her brother and Sebastian.

"What happened?" she whispered

**End Authors Note: **Hope that was okay! Um, yeah, I've now got to stop procrastinating and actually study for History Test which I am going to fail because I don't listen…I text in class *blushes and hides shamefully*. I am supposed to be Einstein about Rome's History and everything from how to write timelines to every step of Mummification *gasps* I'm so going to fail… But I know The Punic Wars and the Carthaginians but, er, yeah…that's it. But a little birdie on my shoulder told me that we have to do a timeline on Miley Cyrus' life…hm. Haha.

**Pretty Green Button = Pretty Rainbow Colored REVIEW??**

xoxo Clary


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